Friday, February 4, 2011

I will do my seven quick takes again, because that helps me think a little better.
1.  Gino is currently at the hospital, he will spend the night.  I have not been feeling well.  It's my lungs.  I have a deep cough that is hard to get anything up and if my throat gets dry or I try to take a super deep breath...well, I go into a kind of spastic cough.  Not good.  I tried calling several doctors today but because we have had snow and ice for the last few days, no one was there. 

2.  Snow days.  Ay-carumba!!  Trying to pull out all the Mommy tricks.  We baked, we puzzled, we colored, we played with homemade blue goo, we watched tv, we played in the snow, we built a fort... I'm exhausted!!!!  Luckily, they are too...and each one of the children are fast asleep.

3.  House hunting.  Well, our first home that we wanted did not accept our offer.  The second home that we wanted, we were turned down because the sale was based on our home being sold...it was a bid war and we came in at the same dollar amount, so the seller was able to get picky.  The third house... it is big... it has everything we need except a small backyard that is nothing but a square of grass behind the house.  It needs a lot of tlc.  So big.  I feel like the children's rooms would be sooo far away.  I don't know...  anyhow, that is not a done deal, we have been negotiating with the seller on price still.  We only just today got the disclosure.  Tomorrow we are actually going to look at three more homes.  I'm excited about one of them because it is just 3 or 4 doors down from the elementary school.  It is smaller, does not have a study- but a large Master with a bit of a sitting area that could be made into a work area.  It has a pool in the back, but it also has enough space around it plus grass and the driveway is fenced in.  So...we'll see... it is nerve-wrecking house hunting.  Did we do the right thing???  We sold for so much less.  I love this ol' house.  Hardwood floors, close to downtown... community... is this really the time to be trying to build community again??!! 

4.  Marianne.  Her gavage was put back in.  She was just not meeting her minimums.  So, back went the tube.  When they first did this I was physically ill over the whole thing.  Everything.  Marianne, house, lack of sleep... ugh.  I litterally vomitted and had to leave the hospital.  It was icy outside and was one of the worst drives of my life.  Dry-heaving and driving on ice...lovely, plus exhaustion. 
So- anyhow, Marianne is consistantly inconsistant.  She will finish several bottles in a day and than she will only take half other times.  She does not like the early morning bottle.  She does not like her vitamins.  It takes heroic efforts to get her to finish a bottle... sometimes up to 45 minutes or an hour.  The doctor will probably talk to us about a g-tube.  This is a tube that is surgically put directly into her belly.  She will still be offerred the bottle, but at night, we can give her the rest of whatever she did not take.  Now do you see why I was physically ill?  I'm so afraid that this is a slippery slope and that Marianne will not get this figured out if we give her a way out.  However, the baby has to eat and grow, right??  UGh.  And we want her home...we want her home so badly.  It is time for her to socialize with her family...not the nurses.  I worry about bonding with the baby...Gino is up there now, and I'm okay with that.  Is that weird?  Breastfeeding has gone out the window.  This is why it is just time.  We are loosing time and so it is just time to move on with it and get her home so that we can begin to be a family under one roof.  (not sure which roof yet, but that is okay!)

The abbreviated version of our snowed-in-looking-for-a-home-eat-baby-eat-week.

Looking Ahead...with TRUST

“If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world ablaze!” – St. Catherine of Siena

It is the beginning of the year and often we look to writing New Year’s resolutions. But last year I sort of bucked the system of “resolutions.” I invite you to join me this year: instead, take on a one-word challenge, one virtue or attitude to help us “be who we should be,” as St. Catherine might frame it. The challenge I set for myself last year was to embody gratitude. At the time, I was in a place where I felt very deserving of many things, and these things just were not happening for me or my family. I wrote “gratitude” on the chalkboard in our kitchen and placed around my home bible verses relating to being grateful. My circumstances may not have changed much, but my perception of them sure did. The Lord allowed me to see how Gino’s long hours were such a blessing to us because that meant a job, a home, food, clothes, etc. Lots of playing and loudness and dancing in the kitchen could have made me grouchy (and sometimes did!), but it reminded me of how blessed we have been with healthy children. An April pregnancy followed by a premature October delivery made me grateful for each one of our five children, all of whom arrived in God’s time and with their own unique personalities full of love and zest for life. Having a baby in the NICU for the past two months (and counting) helps me appreciate the awesome gift of life that each newborn represents. Being exhausted from going up to the hospital each day to visit our newborn and still running our home and running after four more kiddos make me so thankful for the help I have received from family and friends and STAMA moms: help with our children, meals, grocery shopping, decorating for Christmas, doing laundry… the list goes on, and the number of people who have lent a hand over the past ten weeks has been overwhelming. Yes, over the past year gratitude has become ingrained in how I frame the events of my life.

This New Year, I feel called to take on another one-word challenge. We are waiting for our baby to come home from the hospital. We are waiting for our house to sell, and waiting to find our new home. It would be very easy for me to feel anxious, frustrated, and impatient about each one of these situations. And believe me, I have! So, perhaps our Father needs me to work on trust.
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Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not;

In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:4-5

Marianne is still in the NICU and many prayers for her growth and health are appreciated. Thank you STAMA for your continued prayers and love and help for our family. You can keep up with her progress at: www.caringbridge.org/visit/mariannerossini

Prayer for the New Year
O God of new beginnings and wonderful surprises, thank you for the gift of a new year. May it be a time of grace for me, a time to grow in faith and love, a time to renew my commitment to following Your Son, Jesus. May it be a year of blessing for me, a time to cherish my family and friends, a time to renew my efforts at work, a time to embrace my faith more fully. Walk with me, please, in every day and every hour of this new year, that the light of Christ might shine through me, in spite of my weaknesses and failings. Above all, may I remember this year that I am a pilgrim on the sacred path to You.
Amen