Saturday

Today I have spent the day in the Special Care Nursery with Marianne.  It has been nice to watch her, hold her and talk to her.  We have worked on feeding together and that is not going well.  It has been really good to see how much the nurses here seem to love my Marianne.  Thursday night, we had called to check on her and learned that the nurse had given Marianne her first tub bath.  Marianne LOVED it.  I was so upset.  Another milestone reached, but not with me and not at home.  It would be very very easy for me to curl up in this yucky blanket of self-pity.  Instead, Gino and I made arrangements for me to be here for the day, and to give Marianne her first tub bath from her Mama.  No one else can do that.  :)   The nurse, Olivia, was awesome showing me some great new tricks on how to keep the baby comfortable and warm throughout.  And Marianne's primary nurse, Jamie, from NICU was visiting us at the time, so she was our photographer.  It was perfect.  And Marianne LOVED it... she really did!  I've never seen a baby sleep through a bath!!!  But I have pictures to prove it.

So about Marianne's feeding... well, we just don't know what is going on. She doesn't seem to be able to take more than 25 ml. She is supposed to take 60 ml. She just does not like to swallow. She gets tired so quickly, she won't actively engage in her feeding. Reflux? Asphixiation with swallowing? Immaturity? We don't know. I am hoping and praying that we will have more anwers on Monday. Dr. King has given orders to have a swallow test Monday morning. She'll swallow something while being x-rayed so that they can actually SEE what is going on in her throat. It is a little invasive, but it is time for some answers so that we can better meet her needs. She is healthy in EVERY other way. We just need to figure out how to get her to take a bottle.


Marianne's due date came and went and we still do not have a come home date. I'm hoping in about 2 weeks....but I've been saying that for about a week now.
TRUST.

Gino and I had the house clean for several showings that were going on today. We were out of the house by 11 a.m. He took all the kiddos to eat, and than to visit his parents. They always enjoy that. Nonna and Paw Paw keep a freezer stocked with lots of icecream bars. Paw Paw has coloring pictures printed from online curtailed to each child's interests... airplanes, dolphins, fairies, flowers... very sweet.

So this house does not seem to want to let go of us! We are having many showings, but so far, no offers. Maybe we are meant to stay? Oh, but it is so small!!!!

TRUST.

In the back of my head, I keep thinking that there are such bigger issues out there, and a small house is no big gig. And keeping the house on the market is as big a deal as we make it. This is not life threatening, just inconvenient. I can't wait for the day to come when I can sit, nurse my baby- or bottle feed her- and watch the children playing with a mess of toys... and not worrying about a call to show the house. I think this day will come very soon. Maybe in about 2 weeks.

Looking Ahead...with TRUST

“If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world ablaze!” – St. Catherine of Siena

It is the beginning of the year and often we look to writing New Year’s resolutions. But last year I sort of bucked the system of “resolutions.” I invite you to join me this year: instead, take on a one-word challenge, one virtue or attitude to help us “be who we should be,” as St. Catherine might frame it. The challenge I set for myself last year was to embody gratitude. At the time, I was in a place where I felt very deserving of many things, and these things just were not happening for me or my family. I wrote “gratitude” on the chalkboard in our kitchen and placed around my home bible verses relating to being grateful. My circumstances may not have changed much, but my perception of them sure did. The Lord allowed me to see how Gino’s long hours were such a blessing to us because that meant a job, a home, food, clothes, etc. Lots of playing and loudness and dancing in the kitchen could have made me grouchy (and sometimes did!), but it reminded me of how blessed we have been with healthy children. An April pregnancy followed by a premature October delivery made me grateful for each one of our five children, all of whom arrived in God’s time and with their own unique personalities full of love and zest for life. Having a baby in the NICU for the past two months (and counting) helps me appreciate the awesome gift of life that each newborn represents. Being exhausted from going up to the hospital each day to visit our newborn and still running our home and running after four more kiddos make me so thankful for the help I have received from family and friends and STAMA moms: help with our children, meals, grocery shopping, decorating for Christmas, doing laundry… the list goes on, and the number of people who have lent a hand over the past ten weeks has been overwhelming. Yes, over the past year gratitude has become ingrained in how I frame the events of my life.

This New Year, I feel called to take on another one-word challenge. We are waiting for our baby to come home from the hospital. We are waiting for our house to sell, and waiting to find our new home. It would be very easy for me to feel anxious, frustrated, and impatient about each one of these situations. And believe me, I have! So, perhaps our Father needs me to work on trust.
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Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not;

In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:4-5

Marianne is still in the NICU and many prayers for her growth and health are appreciated. Thank you STAMA for your continued prayers and love and help for our family. You can keep up with her progress at: www.caringbridge.org/visit/mariannerossini

Prayer for the New Year
O God of new beginnings and wonderful surprises, thank you for the gift of a new year. May it be a time of grace for me, a time to grow in faith and love, a time to renew my commitment to following Your Son, Jesus. May it be a year of blessing for me, a time to cherish my family and friends, a time to renew my efforts at work, a time to embrace my faith more fully. Walk with me, please, in every day and every hour of this new year, that the light of Christ might shine through me, in spite of my weaknesses and failings. Above all, may I remember this year that I am a pilgrim on the sacred path to You.
Amen